“Revenge of the Teenage Vixens from Outer Space” — a review

One problem I have with my interest in transformations is it sometimes leads me to thing I’d otherwise have no interest in. I watched most of a wretched science-fiction comedy series called Out of This World because the main character could transform others and herself. In spite of bad reviews, I saw (and later got theDVD for) Penelope, a movie starring Christina Ricci as a woman cursed with porcine features. I got started on the Nightmare on Elm Street movies after learning that, in the fourth movie, a woman is turned into a cockroach. And, I’ve been trying for years to find a movie called The Man Who Wagged His Tail, in which Peter Ustinov is turned into a dog.

Back in 1987, at a grocery store in Central Wisconsin, I ran across a VHS of a movie called The Revenge of the Teenage Vixens from Outer Space. I read the cover copy of the VHS sleeve, found out there were transformations, and rented the video. But when I got it home, it wouldn’t play on my VCR. (I feel old using some of these terms.) I took it back and they asked if I’d made adjustments on my VCR. I hadn’t, but they wouldn’t give me back the cassette to try and watch it. (I never went back to where I rented the movie.)

A few years later, I caught part of the movie on USA Network’s Up All Night with Rhonda Shear. But I saw nowhere near the entire movie. And I soon forgot the title.

Recently, I asked about the movie on my page at deviantART.com and was reminded of the title. Eventually, I found Teenage Vixens was on YouTube, and I watched it there. So, now, I feel ready to write a review for it.

A quick disclaimer about viewing the movie on YouTube: I looked Teenage Vixens up on imdb.com, and it lists the movie as being one hour and twenty-three minutes long. But what I found on YouTube is only one hour and nine minutes long. As the movie was released during the horny teenager period of movies (in the wake of things like Porky’s and others), the time difference is probably due to the removal of scenes of naked naughty bits. Also, on YouTube, this is shown on a smaller screen where it is surrounded by an image of shimmering golden water. But this is the best most of us will be able to do.

The movie is about four, yes, teenage vixens from another planet, a planet on which there are no men, so they come to Earth for sex. One Vixen had visited years before and gave birth to a son by a high school science teacher. She abandoned Earth and her son, who is now grown up with some powers, including telekinesis which allows him to undo the clothes of his Earth girlfriend, ala Zapped!

The transformations come when the high school kids fail to satisfy the Vixens. Out of frustration, the Vixens whip out ray guns which turn their victims into vegetables. No, it doesn’t render them mindless, it turns them into vegetables! Zucchinis, carrots, etc. The veggies are kind of cheesy, with eyes and tiny mouths which spawn pathetic whimperings. But, if you get into the minds of the kids turned veggies, you realize they’re aware of their new forms and it has to be horrifying for them. And the scenes of the transformations aren’t bad. These are not point ‘n’ poof TFs, and intermediate scenes 0f the changes aren’t great, but they aren’t bad, either. We also have one woman utter the immortal line “I don’t wanna be a tomato!” (You can take “tomato” as slang for a cute woman and make what joke you want to about the line.)

When I looked up The Revenge Of The Teenage Vixens From Outer Space on imdb.com, I clicked on the names of several cast members. For all but one of the ones I clicked on, Teenage Vixens is their only film credit. (I suspect, for some of the girls, as soon as their families saw what they exposed in the film, their parents cut their film careers short right then and there.)

Truly inexplicable is how much a DVD of this movie costs. On Amazon, there are copies available for $99. And on eBay, as I write this, there is one copy for sale — for $225! I wouldn’t mind seeing an uncensored version of the movie, but not for those prices.

Anyway, those REALLY into transformations might like this movie. Otherwise, stick to the YouTube version and be satisfied with it.

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